लम्हों से जिक्र क्या किया ,

वक़्त बुरा मान गया ,

फासला यूँ बढ़ता गया ,

कि पाटना मुश्किल हो गया

A strange feeling it is !

It was one of those sad days' when you are irritated for no reason at all . When you are dejected, dissapointed , depressed for no reason whatsoever .And that very day I was reminded of the date - 24th May 2007.

I keep going back to this date as it changed ...it changed me and my life forever. First time I was seeing death so closely...And I realized ...since the time we are born , we grow ...this is one fact but there is one more fact - we move an inch closer to death . When I saw her ....her dead body ....I knew she was not listening to my cries still I could not comprehend that she was actually not listening to me .She was not feeling anything and perhaps then the enormity of the situation dawned upon me.I don't think I can ever come out from that time and space of experience.

Much before that I had experienced earthquake - a massive one and that day too I thought -Today I was lucky but I would not be always so ....like many other who were not so lucky on that day ....there might be a day when I would not be lucky.

Later in the life I experienced bus accident . The jolt was enormous in its impact but once again nothing happened to me ....

Each time I realized how close death can be ....how easily life can go ....JUST LIKE THAT .

A strange feeling it is ....

And on all of these occassions I pondered what if it would have been 'me' .Am I not very small ....just an iota of existence ? .A life that wants to be of some consequence ...has some purpose ....What if opportunity never comes my way .And I too die ....JUST LIKE THAT

Anything can happen at any point of time and I have to steal time to live the small life that I have been blessed with. I am racing against time and despite all these hurriedness I have to maintain my sanity, calmness , composure  and dignity of life ...of thought . A thought of hope and optimism...of being given the time and opportunity to do what I want and give some meaning to life ....Will I be ????

A strange feeling it is !!!!!!!!!!!!

Me thinks !!!

समेट लो ज़िन्दगी को ,

किसका इंतज़ार है ?

साँसों का हिसाब ज़ल्द देना होगा ,

बस ! कुछ लम्हा ही बाकी है

Mirror in the wall

A mirror in the wall

looks

in the eyes

that seems mine

but doesn't

at the same time

a personal talk

of impersonal nature

follows....

But

Am too busy to listen

too restless to wait

too engaged to think ................

Thinking aloud !!!!!!!

To believe in what you believe is difficult to convey and even more difficult to continue believing ....

I lead a comfortable life but even that does not seem comforting enough ...........

The thought of not reaching to the end of one's potential , compromising at every juncture and accepting it as a part of life - it indeed is a disturbing thought .....

Mist is there so is the thought ...and the walk continues....................................

Kaun ho Tum ?

ख़ामोशी में डूबी हुई

ख़ामोशी की सदा है

इस बेजुबान एहसास की

आवाज़ हो तुम

कौन हो तुम ?

सोचा था एहसास भी

वक़्त के साथ

धूमिल होता जायेगा

पर आज भी

न मिलने पर

खोया सा लगता है

मिलने पर

नया सा लगता है

कभी मुखर , कभी मौन हो तुम

कौन हो तुम

धड़कन की सदा ,दिल की आवाज़ हो तुम

कौन हो तुम ?

Commitment

What if it were to be my last day.Last day of my life.What is it that I have not done...or what is it that I wish to do ? .What is it that changes the entire course of life ? But of course - death - or the thought of it.Is it not the only certainty amongst uncertainity? The only truth that has to be met .I may think in these terms but...am yet to acknowledge it ....yet to accept.

My tryst with destiny....when one is diagnosed with terminal or serious illness ..perhaps only then do we realize the importance of life ...then we understand how important it is to live every moment, every minute, every hour and therefore , every day.As far as I am concerned ..I am far from it ...I am yet to experience life in the way its meant to be .The small and mundane things have kept me engaged....and away from being alive .....

So today when I realize that anyday could be my last day - then what should be my agenda ? Should any mundane thing keep me away from being happy and live my life in its truest sense.? I guess not. Everything else is small compared to one more day of life that I got. One more day -----so precious ...

So now I make one promise to my own self ...one commitment -  I would not let small things ...trivial issues affect me or control my life.....COMMITMENT YES ............................